February 26, 2004

The hivemind outdoes itself

Those were the old days. When we still had to post to the 'mind by fax, after walking sixteen miles in the snow to the nearest fax machine - barefoot.

That's nothing! You had faxes! WE had to evade government censors in the dead of night under sniper fire to deliver punch cards to a dead letterbox, where a secretive man disguised as God with blue hair carrying an avocado would retrieve it and hack it into the systems of an even more secretive illuminati front called the Future Foundation!

Sniper fire with just bullets? BLOODY LUXURY! We used to dreeeeeeeeeeeam of sniper fire. In my day, we had to whistle down a length of wet broken string. When it transpired that the message didn't arrive, we used to have to tunnel across a minefield wearing only underwear made from barbed wire. Our message, on soggy parchment carried you-don't-want-to-know-where, would decompose if we didn't make it in time, and the stench would permeate our livers. When finally someone did make it across with a valid-checksummed datagram, the blue-haired god would beat us with a shovel and send us back from whence we came!

Tunneling across minefield with parchment? We used to DREEEEEEEAM of tunneling across minefields with soggy parchment lodged in our rectums. In my day we used to use Windows 95.

  :::  a Wierd ritual performed at 09:46 PM   :::   ritual observers [1]   :::  


I wouldn't be so funny if it wasn't so true..

Posted by: Vernon at February 27, 2004 11:25 AM
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