April 30, 2003

Working offsite

I'm working offsite at the moment. And the crazy thing is: at this place you have to sign out to go for a smoke. The 'smoke-logs' read like a study in the insanely bored. Out-time: 10:00am. In-time: 10:05am. Oy vey.

So I'm going for another smoke.

Posted by rory at 11:25 AM

April 29, 2003

Stimulants and snakes

"I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake -- which I also keep handy." -- W. C. Fields

Posted by rory at 01:00 PM

Capricorn's seduction

The Deal Is in the Details: Capricorns, extremely goal-oriented, take romantic encounters as seriously as their board meetings. The tricky part of getting close to one of these success-seeking Goats is not to have the interview end before you think it has begun. Instead of wasting time polishing your resume, put your best foot forward before your crush gets a chance to figure out why you don't fit perfectly into any well-oiled plans for the future. Pull out all of the stops and leave no detail of a date to chance.

Seduction Mantra: Your first impression is final.

You Know It's Working When: Lucky for you, once you're in, you're really in. Charmed Capricorns are some of the most faithful lovers in the zodiac, and when they sense a good thing, they won't let it go. Early signs of interest include an open checkbook.

Posted by rory at 12:51 PM

Popular Panics

So this morning I check the access statistics for my Rites. And the most popular page so far is (surprise, surprise) the one on how to tune in the porn channel on DStv. I should add that Don't Panic TV now has a South African website.

Posted by rory at 12:16 PM

Schmidt happens

I went to see About Schmidt last night. I loved it. It's somewhat morbidly funny in places, and completely morbidly funny in others. And at one point it's a delightfully inane travelogue of small Americana.

However the movie does answer those burning cinematic questions: what do Kathy Bates' breasts look like? And how would Jack Nicholson look if he was completely hopped up on drugs?

Posted by rory at 11:07 AM

April 28, 2003

Al on holiday (part 1)

"I've died and gone to heaven. Lying by the pool. Struggling to focus due to g. It's hot and humid. Yeha."

Posted by rory at 10:01 AM

April 25, 2003

And this just in...

I write short accounts of the details of my life.

I charge by the minutae.

Posted by rory at 01:37 PM

Brace yourself

If you're a programmer, you're probably familiar with the following situation: you're struggling to track down a nasty problem in something you've written. Or worse, something someone else (entirely less qualified than you) has written. And it's usually something completely trivial, and it's entering the second day of mind-numbing text-scrolling hell. You're just about to reach that point where a cocaine-addiction would seem preferable.

It's at this stage that I remember that asking someone to 'have a look' is all it takes. They won't actually have to, because you'll immediately solve the problem 30 seconds later.

Oh, by the way - it was a missing brace.

Posted by rory at 12:32 PM

April 22, 2003


Over the weekend, I had a go at installing KDE under Cygwin. Now first off: I already use and love OpenBox. A couple of hours later, I had arrived at the following conclusion: KDE is a mechanism for using up 100% of your CPU cycles without ever requiring you to actually open an application.

But then today, Adrian sent me this desktop screenshot. Stunning. I hope it runs fast.

Posted by rory at 05:57 PM | Comments (1)

The Camel Toe

If there's someone you want to know, get yourself a camel toe.

Posted by rory at 03:39 PM

Martha Screwart's Guide to Planning Your First Orgy

Are you paying too much for sex? Tired of the marriage game? Put some zest back into your life by hosting an orgy.

Posted by rory at 03:08 PM

April 21, 2003

How very tiny and beautiful you are

Tonight I got to hold the newest person in my life. She's absolutely beautiful. I know everyone says that about babies, but really - this one is stunning. Lee and Warren have made such a gorgeous little girl. There's always something so magical about the way a newborn baby will clasp your finger in her hand, and squeeze tightly.

I turned to Lee, as she was breastfeeding, and asked: "How was the delivery?"

She replies: "Sore!"

Ah, understatement.

Posted by rory at 08:44 PM

Erynne Jade Bell. Welcome to Earth!

Erynne Jade Bell was born this morning at 7:35 after 5.5 hours of labour, and weighed 3.7 kg on arrival!

Posted by rory at 07:35 AM

Lee is in labour!

SMS from Warren: Lee is in labour. We're leaving for the hospital in an hour or so. Contractions +- 4 mins apart now. It starts, wish us luck.

Posted by rory at 02:29 AM

April 20, 2003

Lee, Sunday night

SMS from Lee: I think Erynne is going to be on time (I think), I am experiencing a "dagger" in my ribs type pain since early evening, which isn't going away and is very uncomfortable. Will keep you posted!

Posted by rory at 10:36 PM

April 17, 2003

Appointment for arrival

Someone is scheduled to arrive. On Monday, Lee is due to give birth to Erynne Jade.

This evening, she SMSes me that she is 2cm dilated. Apparently this dilated 3 days before the scheduled delivery is good.

Three days. About 36 hours. It seems like just a few weeks ago, Lee and Warren told me how the accidental combination of some antibiotics and birth control resulted in the complete failure of the latter.

And soon we'll get to meet the delightful result.

Can't wait.

Posted by rory at 08:20 PM

It's a secret

Ivo on the Hivemind: I'd love to discuss the merits of being over-priviledged and rich, and why I aspire to this state of affairs. But it's a secret society, and
we can't let you in on the secret. Sorry.

Posted by rory at 10:55 AM

April 15, 2003

ICQ Authorisation - Part 2


Posted by rory at 07:01 PM


I've said it before, and so has Adrian. Phoenix is the browser you should be using.

Posted by rory at 04:53 PM

ICQ Authorisation

If I get just one more request for authorisation from 22-year old Nancy, or Candi, or whatever-they-think is a sexy name, on ICQ, as a potential to spam me, I'll scream. I really will. Stop it.

Posted by rory at 04:45 PM

April 14, 2003

Carrying a vacuum

If the brief was: design an object that defies comfortable carrying, will fall apart as you walk, and will make you look like a twit as you carry it, the resultant specification-compliant product would be: Lee and Warren's vacuum.

Posted by rory at 04:53 PM

April 11, 2003

DVD Profiler

...is the best DVD collection management software out there. This is my collection.

Posted by rory at 04:35 PM

April 10, 2003

Don't Panic TV

There are a handful of channels available to you if you are a DStv subscriber and are willing to add a few settings to your Network Installation.

The most fun one is Don't Panic TV - a porn channel, which sometimes forgets to turn its encryption on.

Press Menu

Select 'Advanced Options'

Select 'Dish Installation'

Enter PIN: 9949

Select 'Network Configuration'

Select 'Network 2 Setup' (this is for Sentech's Vivid bouquet)

1. Signal Setup: Enabled
2. Orbital Position: PAS7/10
3. Use NIT: Yes
4. Frequency: 11170
5. Symbol Rate: 26652
6. Polarisation: Vertical
7: FEC: 5/6

Then select 'Accept these settings'

Select 'Network 3 Setup' (this is for Botswana TV)

1. Signal Setup: Enabled
2. Orbital Position: PAS7/10
3. Use NIT: No
4. Frequency: 11594
5. Symbol Rate: 27500
6. Polarisation: Vertical
7: FEC: 5/6

Select 'Accept these settings'

Select 'Network 4 Setup' (this is for Don't Panic TV)

1. Signal Setup: Enabled
2. Orbital Position: PAS7/10
3. Use NIT: No
4. Frequency: 12722
5. Symbol Rate: 26657
6. Polarisation: Vertical
7: FEC: 1/2

Select 'Accept these settings'

Now do a 'Scan new networks'

The BTV and Don't Panic TV channels will be at the very end of the channel list of the 'Public PAS7/10' list, probably from channel 29 onwards.

Please note that this information is for information purposes only. It works for me (on a 660 and a 720i). I do not know if it works for you, and I make no such warranties.

Don't Panic TV is sometimes unencrypted, sometimes not. You need to contact them, and purchase a different smart card for their services.

Useable channels:
23: EuroNews
25: God Channel
28: Botswana TV
29: Don't Panic TV promo channel
32: Don't Panic TV encrypted service

Posted by rory at 06:21 PM | Comments (326)

You're interesting

Nico (upon reading my rites): I think you're wierd. I find that interesting. I just wanna disect your mind... find out what i want - and scrap away the rest.

Posted by rory at 06:07 PM | Comments (2)

Going down

I don't think I've ever been happy about an erection going down. But this time it's kinda nice.

Posted by rory at 01:50 PM | Comments (1)


Hey Dubya! We have a SARS problem here. Send help.

Posted by rory at 01:26 PM

April 09, 2003


So there you are, adjusting your monitor settings, and the one icon that actually resets everything looks extremely similar to the icon that exits the menu. Predictable gnashing of teeth ensues.

And I've done this more than once.

Posted by rory at 10:19 PM

Board stiff

An oily silence oozed over the four occupants of the room, as Carlssin regarded the geriatric gamut one by one. Not you. Not you. And certainly not you. Carlssin became, once again, acutely aware why he’d forced himself to stay on board for so long.

If only Ulrike hadn’t been quite so convincing during the hiring process. She’d been like a walking shot of Viagra to them. And Carlssin suspected that it was the ensuing massive departure of blood from the three bald pates, en route to their nether regions, that had resulted in all three exercising decidedly poor judgement. It’s one thing for her to take on a business plan of epic criminal proportions for Neptune – it’s quite another to yield to her insistence on using her own unbelievably incompetent staff. That bloody dwarf! Short on stature, short on brains, and now… short-sighted.

At times like this, Carlssin yearned to scream. But that would never do. Carlssin was the kind of man who had other people do his screaming for him. Usually while he watched.

He touched a small button in front of him, and an assistant glided in discretely, waiting tentatively just behind his left shoulder. Carlssin looked up at the assistant, gently rolled his eyes, and nodded. The assistant, with an inclination of the head, walked back to the door, and opened it.

For a moment, nothing happened. Then the board heard an unsteady tapping sound. This was followed by a thud, a sharp crack, an exclamation of pain, and finally a women’s voice venomously offering an abrupt opinion that the person making the tapping was someone who had had sexual relations with his mother.

Carlssin shuddered.

Posted by rory at 03:58 PM

April 08, 2003


A friend of mine, Lee, is about to have a baby. April 21st. So soon.

And this makes me think about priorities in my life: specifically, with regards to my cat, Bacardi. See, lately, since finances have been tough, there's not a lot of money to go around - and yesterday, when I went shopping for groceries, the very first thing I bought was cat food. Then I bought food for myself. Wierd how people or entities that are under our care come first in our thoughts. And I consider myself a selfish person.

Posted by rory at 06:09 PM

The whore, or the pimp?

Seen on the Hivemind:

Gary: Who is worse, the whore or the pimp?

Sean: I've always thought that every politician should have a pimp for an older brother. That way, at least, they'd have someone to look up to.

Posted by rory at 04:22 PM

April 07, 2003

Oh, the irony

I'm 29, have owned an ironing board for about 2 years or so, but only recently started using it. Not having a maid bites. On the other hand, if you have satellite TV, the ordeal of ironing can be significantly eased by doing it in front of the TV.

Ironing, though, is not quite as dull as this, although the comments are superb.

Posted by rory at 08:04 PM


By this time tomorrow, the headlines should read: Bagh'd-dad. Tada!

Posted by rory at 07:05 PM | Comments (1)


Ah. That's so much better.

Posted by rory at 06:54 PM


On Saturday night, I went to Bitch. Completely failed to pull. Stunning club, great music though.

Posted by rory at 04:34 PM

Rage, Hubris, and Regime Change

If the Bush administration’s foreign policy towards countries in the “axis of evil” is “either you become capitalist democracies or we will do it for you,” then for both ideological and material reasons, the leaders of those regimes have every incentive to do exactly what the United States doesn’t want them to do: develop a nuclear capacity.


By Ken Jowitt

Posted by rory at 04:29 PM | Comments (1)

April 02, 2003

And in the "I wish I'd read this in February" category...

"Think of yourself as a horse that's stopped by the side of the road to rest," Dlugozima says. "If you linger, another saddle will be put on your back, and you'll rejoin the wagon train. But if you take off running now, you'll be able to choose your own path because no one else is driving you."

How to Move Forward When You're Between Jobs

Posted by rory at 12:27 AM


OK, make that four.

Posted by rory at 12:24 AM

April 01, 2003

Are you damned?

Are you damned?
Brought to you by Rum and Monkey

You're coming back! And if you are a Hindu you are going to have very specific characteristics:

"The slayer of a woman and the destroyer of embryos becomes a savage full of diseases; who commits illicit intercourse, a eunuch; who goes with his teacher’s wife, disease-skinned. The eater of flesh becomes very red; the drinker of intoxicants, one with discolored teeth...." (Garuda Purana)

Posted by rory at 10:42 PM


FFWD-stan04desktopTN.jpgThey're not kidding when they say: FFWD - feel the pace. I've had three of 'em today. Zwiiiiing.

Posted by rory at 08:33 PM