January 29, 2003

Colin, Coke, and blowjobs

Colin is a co-worker. Well, he's in the same office as me, and I think he works.

Me: Take me to the store - I wanna go buy some Cokes.
Colin: No.
Me: I'll buy you a Coke.
Colin: No.
Me: I'll suck your dick.
Colin: That Coke is sounding better.

Posted by rory at 04:39 PM

Lock and low, dead.

Heinz grunted, reached into his pocket, and pulled out what looked like a Swiss Army knife. A Swiss Army Knife that had found itself up against every Asian technological device ever made, and was determined not to be embarrassed. It glinted. It gleamed. It beeped.

<i>My god, it beeped</i>! Sabrina stomach’s switched from turning to the extreme spin cycle. Heinz glanced at her, and grinned. He put the jewel box down, and pressed a button on the side of the knife.

Time, like Sabrina, stood still.

And instead of a blade, a small, perfect blue flame sprung forth. Which Heinz used to light a cigarette that had magically appeared in his other hand. Heinz and Sabrina simultaneously exhaled, and for entirely different reasons. Smoke wreathed his bad orb. This time, it didn’t blink.

“Ja, is a gut toy, no?” said Heinz, indicating the knife-lighter-device. “Custom made, vile I vos… away. Has many… <i>specialized</i>… functions. Vud you like a demonstration of a few of zem?”

Sabrina was about to decline, when the sound of water splashing, and thumping noises emanated from the bathroom. Three eyes turned to face the bathroom door.

“Um.”

One eye quizzed her mercilessly, the other just glared balefully. She hated him for that.

“That’s, uh, my, uh, maid. Yes, maid. We had a bit of a wild party last night… now there’s a bad mark in the bathroom which I, um, asked her to deal with. “

Posted by rory at 03:37 PM

January 17, 2003

Spacemoose

And in the blast-from-the-past department, if you feel that comics these days aren't offensive enough, might I direct you to < a href="http://www.spacemoose.com/">Spacemoose?

Posted by rory at 03:35 PM | Comments (2)

January 11, 2003

29

Today I turn 29. One more year of being irresponsible. Went out for drinks last night with Warren, picnic with the usual bunch tomorrow.

Posted by rory at 09:30 AM

January 06, 2003

A gem. A gem. My queendom for a gem.

Sabrina tucked away her jewels. It usually took quite some work, and a bit of duct tape, but the resulting display was worth the effort. Everyone said so.

She stood back and admired the jewel box.

“Really must get that lock fixed,” she murmured to herself, as she used another strip of tape to seal the clear glass holder, in which lay -- arrayed like some camp cosmos -- a selection of gems that bore testament to her life. Such as it had been.

It was fitting, she felt, that the latest acquisition provided a kind of solar centre to the collection. A platinum and ruby funereal finale to mark the closing of one chapter, and the stillbirth of another.

It was such a pity it was Chapter 11.

Posted by rory at 04:11 PM

January 03, 2003

Al leaves

Al goes back to the land of Sky today. *sigh*

Posted by rory at 12:49 PM

January 02, 2003

DVDs, home theatre and lists

It's a new year! And in honour of that occasion, if you like low-volume, helpful lists, why not join dvdchat, a list that Brett and I run.

Posted by rory at 07:32 PM